Blessed birthday, darling.

What’s better than gathering around the table, and yakking the night away with your favorite buddies over wines & scrumptious dinner?

Like I mentioned gazillion times before, I’m pretty much a dork now who actually enjoy slacking off at home with my pajamas with a couple of good movies or books. Once I stepped into home and threw my pajamas on, that’s it. I ain’t leaving home, nuh-uh. Lol.

Good thing that I’ve a bunch of crazy friends who literally drag me out for several occasions/events/dinner every now and then. That being said I've to give credit to this lovely birthday girl who go
t everyone together for her birthday, so here goes my update.

Blessed birthday, darling. Thanks for being there whenever I need a shoulder to rely on. Thanks for always, always entertain my rants relentlessly and back me up in spite of everything. Thanks for being my lunch mates, my llaollao/dessert mates, and (guilty as charged) splurging on shopping therapy during lunchtimes with me. I'm gonna miss you so much when I'm back in KL but I shall be anticipating you joining our clan soon. Even though we don’t agree on many things, but I know we always have each other’s back regardless. I love you to the moon and back!

The dinner set place at The Chambers - a restaurant in a century old building with sophisticated yet simple wooden, black & white decor. I think the dishes are pretty mediocre but the sharing part just elevated everything a little bit.

IMG_0626 IMG_0629 IMG_0632 IMG_0634 IMG_0641 IMG_0639 IMG_0643 IMG_0657 IMG_0662 IMG_0664 IMG_0690 IMG_0712 IMG_0714 IMG_0761 IMG_0762 IMG_0793 IMG_0795 IMG_0796 IMG_0802 IMG_0804 IMG_0810

So we decided to go on second round for a drinking session (mind you it was a Tuesday where all of us need to work the next day) in Ozoo. It was my first time there and can somebody tell me why was it soooo crowded on a Tuesday, aren't they supposed to rest at home during weekdays?!

IMG_0824 IMG_0825

Somehow it seems like it's a ritual now for us to gather around during our big day irregardless of how crammed our schedules were. And I really do appreciate the small moments and simple pleasures spent with them. I'm thrilled for the girls to be back from DWP and we'll have our next gathering soon for Vivi's birthday yay!


You've us, love.

Hello lovelies. It’s been a while now since I last blogged. Life’s pretty much the same and in another word – dull. My current job demotivated me, I’ve been craving for my happy source but I haven’t been travelling in a while now (the utmost alternative to cheer me up), to the extent that I try so frantically with my friends to squeeze in a trip before year end. Wish me luck.

Ever since I’ve got back to Penang, I’m so spoiled by all the sinfully good food here. I constantly live the gluttonous lifestyle and hence, gained weight in a ridiculous way. It’s bad. And don’t even get me started on the fact that I gave up on myself and settle in such situation that I barely even doll up myself to head out now. I absolutely enjoy idling at home, having the take-outs, and cuddling with the boyfriend with a couple of good movies. Gahh, badddd!

Anyway, my best friend was having a short break from her job at Adelaide and we spent a day together catching up/doing everything fun together. Boyfriend was out of town for a week training at KL, and I figured this is perfect for me to stop living the decadent life for at least, a weekend. Well, I love brunch, particularly having brunch with my loved ones. So I literally drag my fat ass up in a Saturday morning to put some makeup on, and threw on the only outfits that could hide all the fats underneath and frankly? The only best piece that I could fit in. I was so thrilled to see them after so long!

I’m so gratified of having these beautiful ladies as my best friends. Albeit being in different continents and cities or parted in different career pathways, our bond just grow stronger over time. Also, we never find ourselves being awkward despite of inadequate times spending with each other, or even if we are only able to meet up probably once or twice a year.

I had so much fun over the weekend but also have a lot of thoughts stirring my mind. Somehow, I always love writing my thoughts down. I felt like I can re-read it again and somehow see the bigger picture on arbitration of the third party. Then and there, everything just makes sense in some way. In this case,

  • Not all problems can be solved/meant to be solved. (it's a myth, no matter how badly you want it to)

  • Not all wounds healed. (forgive but not forget; even if you moved on, the pain stays; even the heartbreak cured eventually, the scar would never fade away)

  • Things, quite often, don't turn out the way you want it to. (what 'bout the futures we're planning and holding onto? What happened to all the promises and imminent happiness that we're anticipating? And most importantly, what do I do now?)

Wonder why it’s so hard to keep a love flourishing now? I’m so baffled about how relationship nowadays are so fragile, and how easy it can be compromised. I reckon it all comes down to a few factors: lust, selfishness, self-centered, ego, dissimilarity in mindset/goals as time goes, and etc. Being in the phase where you have to relinquish your grip on the relationship you thought it might work and last eternally, yet hold onto the faith that happily ever after does happen? Not even the slightest chance. Even if people tell you that it’s just a matter of time that your prince will come, but how can you tell if he’s the one or just another mistake that could end disastrously? When all efforts gone down the drain to no avail in previous relationship you’ve trusted wholeheartedly, what are the odds that a new relationship would last forever?

I get it, I genuinely do. Been there, done that. And darling, my advice? Saddle your own white horse and quit looking for the right one!

When you fall in love, you put a lot at stake. You pour your heart out, let your guard down, expressing your affection/feelings, put in efforts and time relentlessly, and the list goes on. What's worse? Whatever you give in may not be given in return. Love’s a gamble, you’re supposed to bear some risks. It wasn’t meant to come easy, and if luck’s on your side, you’ll probably take lesser detours to come across your soul mate. Else, as tormented as it is, shattered hearts and a moment of hideous truths are inevitable. Accept that you loved enough to be heartbroken, that you already lost someone that mattered to you and all you can do is mend the fragmented heart and eventually, learn to love again.

I know it's easy for me to say, but I’ve been through my worst and I’ve gone through it. I’ve someone who loves me dearly as for now. We treasure each other and hope for the best for this connection we have here, regardless of countless unknown challenges ahead of us.

May all the brave souls who survived their heartbreak found the love of their life and their happily ever after.

Xx Caryne.
Untitled Untitled Untitled Untitled Untitled Untitled

Friendship, relationship & a lil' bit of my messy thoughts.

What is friendship? I used to think that the main key element to be labelled as friendship would be a reciprocal relationship among both or more. Trust too, I reckon?

As I grow elder and the more I’ve encountered in life, my perceptions towards friendship changed over time. And right now, I don’t know any more. For every dispute I’ve stumbled upon, my hope died a little inside with how things, always, end. 

Here's my confession.

I don’t have a perfect life, I don’t have a flawless boyfriend, and also I don’t have completely zero-drama friendships. And me myself, I'm not perfect either. 

Yes, I do have conflicts with my boyfriend, not quite a few I’d say. We’re both from different background, raised under different family, hence different notions and I reckon that’s where all the discrepancies come from. But we fell for each other, and we decided to try harder for the sake of this love we have, instead of splitting. We ain't saint, we bicker and we get annoyed by each other some times. Ain't this a common phase for a new couple attempting to fit in each other's life?

Is it wrong to fight for someone you love? Will you do the same? Or have you at least try to fight for that someone even if it against everybody's will?

My friends convinced me to go for what I want. I'm so blessed to have these angels in my life. 

They do no try to "fix me" or judge me. I chose to keep my relationship disputes to myself most of the time as I believe that everybody else has a handful of dilemma to deal with and I just can't make it more difficult than it has to be for them. Second, I do not want my friends to misjudge my boyfriend based on one-sided stories I uttered out of anger at that particular point. Yet, never once they ignore me whenever they noticed I was distraught or being emotional. 

They always admit that they're far from perfect and its absurd for them to expect anything more from either me or my boyfriend in this case. I always feel so comfortable to spill my dissatisfaction to them and they never once condemn my boyfriend. Instead, they always attempt to remind me the worthy side of him, grant me strengths & some prep talks to encourage me to solve the conflicts. 

“The practice of love offers no place of safety. We risk loss, hurt, pain. We risk being acted upon by forces outside our control.” ― bell hooksAll About Love: New Visions

They respect my decisions and I'm allowed to have my own opinions. They'd voice out their opinion when I share my dissatisfaction, but they wouldn't impose it on me. After all, everyone has the right to forge their own paths. True friends love, appreciate and accept each other just the way they are. The quality of happiness between friends grow in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance & expectation.

"Some people mistake your unwillingness to climb into the gutter with them or your ability to pick and choose your battles, for weakness. Don’t let people take liberties. No one has the right to impose themselves and their wishes upon you. You’re not going to harm these people by standing up for yourself but you will harm you by remaining silent. Don’t green light code red behavior."
 "‘Imposers’ dress up their boundary busting behaviour and demands as ‘requests’. Strangely enough, when you decline, it becomes apparent that they took it as a foregone conclusion that you would comply but also had the backup plan of laying on the emotional blackmail and guilt trip with a trowel. It makes you wonder, Why make out as if you’re offering me a choice when you’re going to attempt to do what the frick you want anyway?
Of course you do have a choice, it’s just that the Imposer has decided that you ‘should’ only take up their preferred option. When you decline, suddenly they’re overriding your no, rebuffing any concerns, or in fact belittling anything you’ve brought up."
"Imposers love to combine their efforts to push through what they want with a put-down or few, which is where they slip in covert, critical remarks delivered with a smile, humour, or even deadpan. There are a lot of Imposers online – just read the comments on newspaper websites or on Facebook pages. Or think of that person who seems to want to make disliking you and letting you know about it, their vocation. Some people can’t just have an opinion; they want to force-feed it to you as well and ‘make’ you agree with it!

They really listen, be supportive & practice forgiveness. When conflicts emerged, they will reach out directly to communicate with an open heart, rather than letting the misunderstanding and wrath grow. Life's tough and it knocks me down at times, I supposed everyone of us needs a little positive energy here and there, and my true friends always stand by me through smiles and frowns, up and downs. Though even when they disagree with me, they support me the best they can and won't walk away from me. EVER. 

Imagine this, your friend stood by you through your hardest. Even though you're disdained to listen, you're stubborn enough to disregard everyone else to go for your intuition, who's the one stayed regardless when you're all wounded and heartbroken eventually? Moreover, things happened repetitively and your friend is still around to wipe your tears, heal your wound. I would never trade the world for such friend, let alone fell for the trash talking about my friend and abandoned her/him.

I know you for who you are, for how much we've been through together; not words and critics from others.

“Real friends understand, and because they understand they are capable of forgiving.” 
There is a time where we all figured our surrounding friends are filtered somehow, nobody's fault. Prolly some people wouldn't get along or things get sour at the end of the day. It's a pity, really. We used to be so close, but things changed, its unavoidable I guess.

"Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. "  Arthur Schopenhauer

I always want to send a message to all my friends. I'm always thankful for those who have come into my life, who become my friends, and who left eventually.

While for the angels who stayed regardless good times or bad, please stay in my life forever as you all are one of the best things happened in my life. Let's love unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together! <3

And to my one and only boyfriend, I love you. I love you no matter how many obstacles ahead of us, how incompatible we might be, how many fights and quarrels we have to struggle, I believe we can work all of that out. At least I hope, at least we try. Bear with me, and I'll do the same too. <3