Friendship, relationship & a lil' bit of my messy thoughts.

06:24:00 Unknown 0 Comments

What is friendship? I used to think that the main key element to be labelled as friendship would be a reciprocal relationship among both or more. Trust too, I reckon?

As I grow elder and the more I’ve encountered in life, my perceptions towards friendship changed over time. And right now, I don’t know any more. For every dispute I’ve stumbled upon, my hope died a little inside with how things, always, end. 

Here's my confession.

I don’t have a perfect life, I don’t have a flawless boyfriend, and also I don’t have completely zero-drama friendships. And me myself, I'm not perfect either. 

Yes, I do have conflicts with my boyfriend, not quite a few I’d say. We’re both from different background, raised under different family, hence different notions and I reckon that’s where all the discrepancies come from. But we fell for each other, and we decided to try harder for the sake of this love we have, instead of splitting. We ain't saint, we bicker and we get annoyed by each other some times. Ain't this a common phase for a new couple attempting to fit in each other's life?

Is it wrong to fight for someone you love? Will you do the same? Or have you at least try to fight for that someone even if it against everybody's will?

My friends convinced me to go for what I want. I'm so blessed to have these angels in my life. 

They do no try to "fix me" or judge me. I chose to keep my relationship disputes to myself most of the time as I believe that everybody else has a handful of dilemma to deal with and I just can't make it more difficult than it has to be for them. Second, I do not want my friends to misjudge my boyfriend based on one-sided stories I uttered out of anger at that particular point. Yet, never once they ignore me whenever they noticed I was distraught or being emotional. 

They always admit that they're far from perfect and its absurd for them to expect anything more from either me or my boyfriend in this case. I always feel so comfortable to spill my dissatisfaction to them and they never once condemn my boyfriend. Instead, they always attempt to remind me the worthy side of him, grant me strengths & some prep talks to encourage me to solve the conflicts. 

“The practice of love offers no place of safety. We risk loss, hurt, pain. We risk being acted upon by forces outside our control.” ― bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

They respect my decisions and I'm allowed to have my own opinions. They'd voice out their opinion when I share my dissatisfaction, but they wouldn't impose it on me. After all, everyone has the right to forge their own paths. True friends love, appreciate and accept each other just the way they are. The quality of happiness between friends grow in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance & expectation.

"Some people mistake your unwillingness to climb into the gutter with them or your ability to pick and choose your battles, for weakness. Don’t let people take liberties. No one has the right to impose themselves and their wishes upon you. You’re not going to harm these people by standing up for yourself but you will harm you by remaining silent. Don’t green light code red behavior."

 "‘Imposers’ dress up their boundary busting behaviour and demands as ‘requests’. Strangely enough, when you decline, it becomes apparent that they took it as a foregone conclusion that you would comply but also had the backup plan of laying on the emotional blackmail and guilt trip with a trowel. It makes you wonder, Why make out as if you’re offering me a choice when you’re going to attempt to do what the frick you want anyway?
Of course you do have a choice, it’s just that the Imposer has decided that you ‘should’ only take up their preferred option. When you decline, suddenly they’re overriding your no, rebuffing any concerns, or in fact belittling anything you’ve brought up."

"Imposers love to combine their efforts to push through what they want with a put-down or few, which is where they slip in covert, critical remarks delivered with a smile, humour, or even deadpan. There are a lot of Imposers online – just read the comments on newspaper websites or on Facebook pages. Or think of that person who seems to want to make disliking you and letting you know about it, their vocation. Some people can’t just have an opinion; they want to force-feed it to you as well and ‘make’ you agree with it!" 

They really listen, be supportive & practice forgiveness. When conflicts emerged, they will reach out directly to communicate with an open heart, rather than letting the misunderstanding and wrath grow. Life's tough and it knocks me down at times, I supposed everyone of us needs a little positive energy here and there, and my true friends always stand by me through smiles and frowns, up and downs. Though even when they disagree with me, they support me the best they can and won't walk away from me. EVER. 

Imagine this, your friend stood by you through your hardest. Even though you're disdained to listen, you're stubborn enough to disregard everyone else to go for your intuition, who's the one stayed regardless when you're all wounded and heartbroken eventually? Moreover, things happened repetitively and your friend is still around to wipe your tears, heal your wound. I would never trade the world for such friend, let alone fell for the trash talking about my friend and abandoned her/him.

I know you for who you are, for how much we've been through together; not words and critics from others.

“Real friends understand, and because they understand they are capable of forgiving.” 

There is a time where we all figured our surrounding friends are filtered somehow, nobody's fault. Prolly some people wouldn't get along or things get sour at the end of the day. It's a pity, really. We used to be so close, but things changed, its unavoidable I guess.

"Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. "  - Arthur Schopenhauer

I always want to send a message to all my friends. I'm always thankful for those who have come into my life, who become my friends, and who left eventually.

While for the angels who stayed regardless good times or bad, please stay in my life forever as you all are one of the best things happened in my life. Let's love unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together! <3

And to my one and only boyfriend, I love you. I love you no matter how many obstacles ahead of us, how incompatible we might be, how many fights and quarrels we have to struggle, I believe we can work all of that out. At least I hope, at least we try. Bear with me, and I'll do the same too. <3